It's Awards Time! (WPA)

As we approach the end of the year, we are inundated with awards and top 10, top 100, top this and that, and lists of greatests… And I’m here to add to the fun. I’m proud to announce the first annual… drum roll please… Worst Performance Award.

I’m looking for nominations for the worst performance from a boss, co-worker, manager, coach, instructor, teacher, teammate, or whoever. As you can see, this award is not very focused! I’m just looking for stories about bad performance. Or even better, bad performance that’s funny.

Oh, and because this is the first annual, you can pick an example of bad performance from any time in your past. Just send me your story.

An example: Years ago there was a Little League baseball team at the World Championships. The pitcher, a big kid for his age, had a pitch that was practically un-hittable. That’s the main reason the team had made it to the finals. But now the team was up against a team from Japan. In the first few innings, the Japanese hitters couldn’t get near a hit. And then…

One of the Japanese players hit a home run. Then the next hitter got a triple. And the next got a hit, too. That’s when the young American pitcher had a meltdown. He looked to his coach, who walked out onto the pitcher’s mound to give some coaching. Unfortunately for the coach, he had a microphone on him for the TV coverage. Fortunately for us, we could hear every bit of his coaching.

As the coach looked into the dumbstruck and fearful eyes of his pitcher, he said, “Just buckle down.” With a look of “what?” on his face, the pitcher came back with, “But coach, what do I do?” The coach replied, “Just buckle down,” and again the pitcher said, “But what do I do?” The coach got very serious this time, put his arm on the pitcher’s shoulder and said, “Just buckle down and go after it,” and walked off the field, leaving his player looking like a deer in the headlights.

Needless to say, the coach’s advice was next to useless, and the team went on to lose the game. That’s an example of bad performance from a coach.

I’ve mentioned in the past about a boss I once had. I would go for an entire year with less than five minutes conversation with him. I got no direction, no feedback, no nothing from him. That was a bad performance from a boss.

I’m sure you have many examples of bad performance, so send me your nominations for the Worst Performance Award. Click on the comment link below and give me a short overview of the bad performance. Keep it anonymous, and keep it clean. But keep them coming my way. You can nominate as many Worst Performers as you want. In a couple of weeks I’ll select the Worst Performance Award and give the nominator a prize of unspeakable value!

The more nominations, the better. This should be fun!

Comments

[Robin B.]

I remember a French teacher in high school. He was a native French-speaker, which was helpful in understanding the nuances of the language. But what we might have learned from him was mitigated by his being a dirty old man. He’d find excuses to touch the female students, while saying appropriate French words (je touche). Though I really liked learning the language, I did not want to read anything aloud or answer questions because of the possibility of being singled out for attention. Euww.

On the other hand, I had a Latin teacher the same year who, admittedly, was considered a bit nutty. He’d jump on his desk or a student’s desk and start yelling something in Latin. It got our attention! He loved Latin and it showed. And even though he had a bit of a “crazy old guy” reputation, he made Latin interesting and fun (no mean feat!). We never knew what to expect when we came to class.

“Crazy Old Guy” beat out “Dirty Old Man” in my learning experience, for sure.

[Frank G.]

I'll nominate the charismatic and charming boss who considers himself or herself a high performer, but fades at the finish. There are many of them. Here's one of my favorite examples.

The boss must have a conversation with an employee about, get ready for this, poor performance by the employee. In fact the performance is so poor the employee could lose his job. The boss does a good job of preparing for the conversation by creating a list of performance problems with specific examples. He even has a few suggestions on how the employee can improve. Good performance in providing a performance review is assured!

The conversation starts with the boss stating: "We need to have a conversation about your performance because it's not as strong as it should be." He then explains the various problems and what is expected to happen so that the employee can improve. The employee, a bit crest fallen, hears the news and is relatively silent. Because the employee does not say much, the boss assumes the employee understands and will take the necessary corrective action.

But as the conversation ends, the boss is worried about how the employee is feeling. So, in a gesture of gentle leadership, offers; "You do know that we all really like you and appreciate all of the things you have done for our company over the years. You have always been one of our most valued employees and I look forward to working with you for many more years." What is NOT said is: "Provided you make the changes we have just talked about."

So the employee walks out of the office thinking: "He really likes me. I need to work just a little harder, but there's no real problem. He told me he wants to keep me as an employee." Bad performance? The boss who didn't have the discipline - dare I say courage - to deliver the truth about the brutal facts. To me this is really bad performance - a leader sending mixed messages that will probably result in failure. And when the employee fails, who's fault do you think it will be? I can hear it now; "He didn't listen to me."

[Patrick]

Location: Conference room in a Chicago office
Attendees: CEO, CFO, 4 division Presidents, President of overseas operations, operations manager. All wearing suits and ties.
( I should mention this is a German company so add a few Ja ja's every now and then)

The president of the Midwest division has just given a presentation about competitors pricing and specs. The product manger who shall remain nameless was summoned into the meeting. I was then shown a portion of the presentation dealing with one of the product lines I was responsible for. The Midwest President who was my new boss proceeded to tell me that I do not know crap.( I cleaned this description up ) We out spec, out price our competitors. I am ordering twelve units from our factory und YOU will learn how to sell them or else. You are a terrible product manager and you are no good. You know nothing. You are the most stupid person I have ever known.

The rest of the panel then proceeded to vent their spleens all over me.

Except one person. Ja und I don’t understand dis, you have done so well for us as a product manager. Vat happened? You have taken sales from 1 million to 18 million in three years. Can I ask for your thoughts?

We all then lived happily ever after.

Not really.
I then proceed to explain that my boss was comparing a US spec and a Japanese spec to a European spec. His competitive specs were comparing the wrong models to our machines. If we really look at competitive models and review a recent lost order. The customer bought a machine at 160K and we were priced at 220K.

Yes ….against my better judgment I said it anyway… I said to my boss… I am good at what I do, as a matter fact I am very good at what I do. I am not that ( insert expletive ) good that I can sell 60K difference to a customer for a slower, and smaller machine.

The panel then asked, what about our other models. Why can’t we zell zem? A discussion pursued . Lots of notes were taken. The US CEO said we should be sending you the product manger to the world marketing meeting.

We all then lived happily ever after.

Not really
After the meeting I was demoted by the Midwest president , salary cut, and berated daily . I left the company on my own free will. Three months later the president was fired. After the president was fired I received an offer to come back to the company which I declined.

[Patrick]

Here is collection of some of my favorites thought the years.

Boss that says to the secretary… I think that peroxide your using is effecting your thinking ability. Maybe you should switch to another brand.

The boss who promises something to the customer to close the order. Then backs his promise up in writing. Then when asked about it later says everyone is lying. This is a conspiracy. I never said that. You are all out to get me. Then takes the purchase order copy ( with his signature on it ) and tears it up in front of you and throws it on the floor.

Customer service award.. If you tell my boss I am doing a bad job I will see to it your machine is never fixed.

Service tech makes a mistake. The boss says to the customer it was the vendor who screwed up and we can’t fix it without an additional cost to you mr. customer.

My grandmother can sell more sitting in a rocking chair knitting with a cat on her lap. I knew I should have hired younger people.

I can’t accept this application for another position in the company. I do not have anyone who could replace you.

Rework the parts, the customer isn’t smart enough to catch the mistake. They over designed those parts anyway. That blueprint dimension doesn’t mean anything.

I am only hiring college graduates. Two years later, I wonder why the all the people I hired quit and left for better jobs. Now I have to spend all the money on training new people and we are falling behind.

I do not want to promote anyone in the company for that open position. It would ruin morale.

Can’t they make anything right? It doesn’t matter that the instruction Engineering sent were wrong. Those idiots in the shop should know better. That is what we pay them for.

[Eric Newberry]

Imagine if you will. A young man with a whole year of experience in electronics, being put in charge of vastly more experienced work force. Out of three technicians one has 34 years, I came in second with 29, and one with 24. I guess he was the pretty boy, or at least agreed with the upper management enough to be promoted above all the other candidates.
To say the power has gone to his head would be putting it mildly.
The little egomaniac has made it very clear that he intends to phase out us "fossils". The 24 year tech was let go last month for no reason what so ever, other than he wanted to hire in a fresh blood with absolutely NO experience. Laughably the remaining Senior technicians are being urged to train the replacement. I am currently enjoying a one week unpaid vacation for my lack of cooperation. It was done under the auspices of me missing a call out at 12:30 in the morning. Guess who is next on the termination list? At this point in time I am all but praying for termination. At least then I won't have to deal with a manager that throws his employees under the bus at every given chance, constantly takes credit for work he cannot even conceive of accomplishing, and constantly berates and belittles anyone under his control. Out of a current 6 employees under his control 5 of us are actively looking for new positions.